Monday, September 30, 2013

Shitember.


I woke up on September 1 knowing it wasn't going to end well. I specifically remember rolling over in bed, looking out the window, seeing the gray of the sky and feeling the weight of the day sink in. There was something that needed to be done, a goodbye that needed to be said. While I had had the time to mentally prepare myself for this moment, the heart does not always follow suit, doesn't always understand the reasoning of "for the greater good."

Although I may have been prepared, as much as I could have been, for September 1 - what I wasn't prepared for was that gray day on the first being only the beginning of what was to span over the next twenty nine...

On September 4, I went to have my bite splint fitted - which began the three month period of "Katie now speaks with a lisp." The splint, although definitely helping my jaw move back into it's functional place, is incredibly intrusive. I would explain it as a giant retainer with a skate ramp in the front, making it incredibly difficult to push my tongue forward when speaking - hence the lisp. It's also incredibly sexy to take in and out before and after meals - while having to constantly check myself that I don't accidentally toss $2,600 of medical equipment into the trash.

Also on September 4, I walked out to a $75 ticket on my car. EXPIRED TAGS. Oh. Crap. I totally spaced telling the DMV that I moved and apparently they won't forward those friendly little reminders about registration time. And, of course, my grace period ended on August 31 so juuuuust missed it, late fees required as well as a trip to the DMV. So on September 6, once at the DMV, I was told that it was actually my year to get emissions done so I'd need to do that and come back. Would you like temporary tags?

On September 5, I woke up knowing the summer cold had hit me. September 6, enjoyed a Photastic dinner with Lindsey that was sure to cure it but on September 7, I went to Tour de Fat which led to the loss of my voice until the 12th - and even just a week ago when I no longer sounded like your old Aunt Edna who smoked Pall Malls for the past seventy years. On September 8, my ear drum ruptured, which hadn't happened since I was a wee little thing and YUP JUST AS PAINFUL AS I REMEMBER. I was holding my ear, running to Urgent Care with tears running down my face. I sat, shaking, in the waiting room for 45 minutes before hearing that sure enough, there wasn't much to be done but to go home. So home I went, where I holed up for the entire week. Working from inside my beautiful but dark apartment as rain poured outside the window and a constant ringing stung in my ear as silence actually became deafening. On September 11,  I ventured out to get that emissions test done since my temporary tag only lasted until the 16th. That's when they told me I failed emissions. I needed to get a new gas cap and come back.

Then, my state flooded.

On September 13, I went back to emissions with my shiny, new gas cap and had to wait in the car with Gordon for 1.25 hours because they decided to not open until 10a that Friday. On September 17, due to unforeseen circumstances, I missed The National at Red Rocks. On September 19, I got a yeast infection SORRY TMI PEOPLE BUT I AM REALLY TRYING TO GET YOU TO UNDERSTAND THE FORCE THAT WAS SHITEMBER from all the antibiotics I'd been on for everything from my jaw to my ear. On September 20, I drank one too many vodka tonics leading to a crippling hangover on September 21. Ok, maybe that one was self inflicted but I was only drinking to FORGET SHITEMBER.

Then just yesterday on September 29 - SO CLOSE TO THE END and just when I thought the storm had calmed - I got stung by a bee. 

I did consider staying in bed today and just sleeping through the rest of Shitember, awaking in October which has GOT to be better (in fact, I know it will be thanks to a trip from my east coast parents this weekend and then DISNEYLAND! shortly after that).

Don't get me totally wrong - there have been highlights - like getting through 40+ episodes of Breaking Bad in order to catch up with the rest of the world before last night's (SO WELL DONE) finale. I got to catch up with one of my favorite people who was not only a boss and mentor to me in my PR career, but a great friend with adorable kids. Andy's Fun Field Games and Team Sad & Alone. Seeing Dave Chappelle. Lots of new music. The loss of six pounds. Rooftop mimosas followed by the tradition of Corn Maze. The Broncos 4/0 start to the season (Double or nothing, Andy?!?).

But THANK YEEZUS that today is the last day of Shitember. October, I welcome you with open arms - and a positive outlook.

2 comments:

Lynnette Adams said...

I so look forward to reading your blogs! It was Shitember I have to agree for so many of my own reasons! Good Blog KK!

katiek said...

Aw, thanks, girl!! We gotta catch up one of these days. Miss you!! XO