R.I.P. Kobe

Dear Kobe,

I am so sorry I left you in the bathroom inside the Monte Carlo on my way to CityCenter last night. I had specifically put you on as I was attending VEGAS Magazine's VEGAS Sparkles event and what sparkles more than you?!? But you didn't make it to the party and it's all my fault :(

We've been together since I was 21 and you brought so much joy to my life. The moment I put you on, you made me feel like the $4 million you'd be worth if you were real (although you know you've always been real in my heart).

You were a part of Club Monster Katie days. All those nights when Creepy McCreeperson would try grinding on me in the club or sleezily try to buy me a drink, I would simply place you on my left ring finger and call it a day.

Because who wants to compete with your 8 carats?

I hope some P.Y.T. found you in the bathroom last night and that she will rock you the way you deserve to be rocked - in a hot little dresses, a nice tan and some lip gloss. And that you will save her from countless douchers hitting on her in the club.

But know this, Kobe, you will forever live in my heart. And I am sorry it ended this way but maybe it's a sign that a real one is coming along for me here real soon.

Keep Blinging,

Katie K.

An Open to Jay-Z and Beyonce

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Carter,

I would like to put in a formal request for you two to be my Godparents.

Jay, you may remember me from your concert here two years ago on your Heart of the City Tour with Mary J. I was seated next to your friend, Rev Run. I was on my feet the entire time with my ROC sign in the air.

Beyonce, we've been girls since Destiny's Child. Bug-a-boo? CLASSIC. And as much as I loved being a Wild Thing for Halloween, I still regret not going for the Single Ladies leotard idea.

I really feel like you guys would be there for me when I have 99 problems, even if a boy is one and the three of us, we could be young forever.

I've seen Fade to Black too many times to count and I just checked out your NY-Z documentary where John Mayer described Mr. Carter as "indefinitely curious." Do you know how inspiring that is? The two of you have officially replaced SJP and Matthew Broderick as my favorite power couple. You are unstoppable and I cannot wait for your next collaboration. Perhaps a '13 Bonnie and Clyde?

I also officially volunteer to keep Kanye in check at all award shows. We go way back, too. And a majority of the time, I've got an Empire State of Mind.

...And I just did just hear that the Mrs. might be expecting. I make an excellent babysitter :)

So, let's make it official and call me Kay-Z because you can't Knoch this hustle. I'll meet you outside the Pearl after the show Saturday night and we can head over to Tao to pop some bubbly to celebrate - but of course, no Cristal.

xoxo,

Kay-Z

A Note to The Island

Dear Lost,

How I am so glad that I have stuck with you. Over the past six seasons, you have taken us on quite a ride. From polar bears to smoke monsters to Flocke....I've been lost, I've been pissed, I've been concerned. How are you ever going to pull this off??

I've spent hours discussing theories with friends (Eener and Chloe), days trying to make sure that Pep was following everything and years with your friend Jeff Jensen over at Ew.com - reading his recaps for clarity to make sure I got everything I was supposed to.

And last night's episode proved to me that you really are going to come through for us in the end.

I had been hearing that episodes 9 and 15 were the most explosive of the Final Season (next to the series finale, of course). Number 9, "Ab Aeterno", translating to 'from the beginning of time' really put you on the ingenious map.

I hardly even care anymore if Jack ends up with Kate. Not after THE CORK THEORY was presented to us.

So, without getting ahead of ourselves here, let me thank you, for last night's episode was one of the greatest hours of television I have ever watched. And this girl watched 10 years of 90210.

Yours forever,

Kate (+ Jack...still make it happen, kthxbai!)

An Open Letter to Vegas

Dear Vegas,

Last night my heart was a little heavy but I had a friend in town, visiting from Utah, who is guaranteed good time so I put on my boots, swept on some blush and added some gloss to my lips and hit the town on a Tuesday night. And you know who else is a guaranteed good time? YOU.

When I'm feeling blue, I should remember that all it takes is a little booty-shaking music in the car and a walk-through your love child, The Hard Rock Hotel, to make me feel alive again. Especially when MAGIC is in town, it's as if all the cool kids gather in our little city for a week!

I love that it is perfectly acceptable for me to be seen walking around OUTSIDE with a margarita at ten til noon on a Sunday. Have I mentioned that I love your no-last-call policy? How about when Bookie and I used to sit at penny slots and order shots of Patron? You, Vegas, didn't judge us, in fact, you appreciated that we knew how to work the system. And your FREE CHAMPAGNE, oh how I love your free champagne. And while we are on this subject, I love that because of you I can say that I have been to Rehab, multiple times.

Friday and Saturday nights are totally overrated. If you know you, Vegas, you know that your best nights are celebrated Sunday - Thursday.

Even as a picky eater, I can appreciate your World-Class dining and try to take advantage as often as possible (especially if it involves a little place called Joe's Stone Crab). And how about your CityCenter?? SPECTACULAR. Just walking around there two weeks ago made me feel like a million bucks.

Speaking of a million bucks, thank you, Vegas, for giving me access to MILLION DOLLAR PARTIES and million dollar dance floors. And thanks to you and a little help from the BMuff and Bookie, you taught me how to dance and I've danced all over you and promise to continue to for the rest of my life.

I love that a little part of me, known as Club Monster Katie, will live forever in you. I also appreciate that CMK got to dance one last time to DJ AM before he tragically passed thanks to his residency at The Palms.

300 days out of the year, I do not mind taking Sir Gordon for a walk in the park because your weather is remarkable. In fact, today, Kristin and I are going to enjoy a picnic to soak up some Vitamin B. In the middle of February. On our lunch hour.

Your fabulous pools and your superb spas. The top-notch salon (love you, Globe) where I get my hair done that makes me feel like I'm in the middle of Soho.

I love your breathtaking views...from those of The Strip to your sunsets. I love that I can take a 20 minute drive (or 40 minutes at 25 MPH) up to Red Rock and see your view from the outside looking in. Or how about your Mount Charleston?? Some of my favorite days ever were spent on that mountain, SNOWBOARDING, IN VEGAS.

And even though sometimes I hate it, I do appreciate that you really are a small town.

You are a hop, skip and a jump away from the beach and a short plane ride away to the Rockies.

I love that you bring Pop Culture to life for me.

Your $1 beer nights at 51's games hold a special place in my heart. And how about those First Fridays? Talk about all the cool kids coming out to play! Who says you don't have culture?

I love that everyone loves you.

So, Vegas, when I eventually leave you (a girl has got to spread her wings), please know that you will forever be in my heart and will forever be the place that I am proud to call home.

Yours Truly,

Katie K.

An Open Letter to the Kings of Leon

So, since my Open Letters have worked 50% of the time (see SBC even though that is RIP now), I figured my track record is pretty good. So when the Kings of Leon concert came to an end the other night and I felt so cold, it came to me that Hey! I could just write them an Open Letter and hope for a marriage proposal out of it, so here goes....

Dear KOL,

It was an October afternoon in Denver when I first heard your sounds. I was driving the Wiz's car with Lobo in the front seat, cruising to the LoDo district. Lauren was picking out a c.d. and put in a little something called Because of the Times. As 'Knocked Up' started, Lauren said, "Ha! I bet this is Lindsay and Josh's favorite song." Then it kicked in..."I don't care what nobody says, we're gonna have a baby...." and then you started singing about coup de villes and being renegades and how your girl was always mad and usually drunk but you loved her like no other...AND I WAS IN LOVE. Every time we got in the car to go somewhere, I was in the backseat like a child saying "Can you play the baby song again, please?" We must've listened to that track 15 times in two days and I just couldn't get enough.

Lauren and I both got home and immediately purchased your album on iTunes. It was all we listened to. And let me just tell you, this was a pretty big deal because prior to that album, it had been only pop and hip-hop in my ears for a loooonnggg time. This was like being reconnected with my roots, my rock was BORN AGAIN! Then, I was watching an episode of Gossip Girl and I heard SEX ON FIRE which set ME ON FIRE. Before you could say Only By The Night, it was in my cd player and didn't come out until I started to miss Because of the Times and it has been on that same rotation for months now.

In June, while in Florida for Bookie's wedding, I got wind that you were coming to the Joint in LAS VEGAS WHERE I LIVE. As soon as I got back, I was at the Hard Rock, buying tickets and as soon as they were in my hands, I was jumping up and down with joy. It was going to happen, for sure, I was going to go to the show, you would spot me in the crowd, realize I was the one who moves you, the only one you seeeeeee and we would live happily ever after on the road, traveling the world, poppin' out some babies in between tours.

I set my Google countdown to your concert. 56 days until KOL, 37 days, 15 days....AND THEN IT WAS HERE. This was just on Wednesday. Miss Jones met me at my place at 6 p.m. and we toasted tall cans and shots of SoCo and Lime to the big night ahead of us. Stopped at In N Out, Lobo in tow and we were on our way. We arrived just in time (sorry Whigs!) for your set, found a perfect spot on the floor to dance with a clear view of you all and then the night came and took me away. For the next HOUR AND FORTY FIVE MINUTES, I was in heaven. Every song made me scream and throw my hands in the air and sing along like the obnoxious girl you all make me feel like. Love makes us do crazy, crazy things. Sure, there were songs that I would've loved to have heard you perform ('True Love Way' and 'I Want You' in case you're taking notes) but next time, KOL, next time. And for some reason, you didn't recognize me, pull me on stage and put a ring on it (yes, all four of you) but again, next time, KOL, next time.

Thursday, the day after the show, was like the worst day ever. In fact, I said it was worse than June 8th and December 26th PUT TOGETHER. Because I know the next time June 7th and Christmas come again, I do not know the next time I will get to see you perform again live. At this very moment, I am kicking myself for not buying tickets to your LA show before they sold out months ago.

So, if you read this, KOL...CALL ME NOW BABY, I'LL COME A RUNNIN'.

I love you hard,

Katie

Trekkie. Two Please.

Dear Chris Pine,

Please call me. I swear to keep the cheesy Star Trek quotes to a minimum (though I don't know if I could resist the whole "boldly go where no man has gone before..." one).

All My (Trekkie) Love,

Katie

P.S....When I saw you and JT embrace during the credits of SNL last week, it truly was a dream come true. I was sitting with Eener and said "Holy, if they touch right now I am going to FREAK." And freak I did so thank you for that.

An Open Letter to My Crush at Starbucks

Dear SBC (Starbucks Crush),

It started with 10 little words at the corner of Ft. Apache and Tropicana through that speaker at the drive-thru..."Welcome to Starbucks. What can I get for you today?" and my heart was yours.

A man with a voice like that (you know what I'm talking about, ladies), offering to make me a delicious drink that will not only fill me up but keep me peppy for the day to come...what more could a girl ask for?

Every Tuesday and Thursday (and lately, daily) that I come to your drive-thru and order my Mocha Frappuccino Light add Vanilla Bean and Carmel Sauce, I hope to see your smiling face when I "pull up to the next window."

I feel that over the past few months, we've created a special kind of relationship. I look forward to our morning chats and will not list here all the things I've learned about you to avoid looking like a stalker. But I will mention that earlier this week, you really did look concerned when asking me how my arm was doing. You looked even more concerned when I was there this morning and some amateur took my order and got my drink wrong...placing mocha where the caramel sauce goodness should have been. You promptly took it back and proceeded to make me the correct drink (with love, I'm sure).

If I'm on the phone while approaching the drive-thru with Lauren for our morning call and I hear your husky voice over the intercom, I practically hang up on her to make sure you have my full attention for the 2.5 minutes I'm yours (and don't worry, she understands).

Usually, by the time I leave the window, I am practically breaking out in a sweat from all the heat built between us. My favorite days are those when you don't take my order but magically appear at the window to give it to me when I arrive. My co-worker said "He totally likes you, he practically jumps out of the window to hand you your drink every day." Yeah, Erin...you're right. Is she, SBC, is she?

And you have a job. And ANOTHER job. Which is like twice the amount of any of my exes ever did.

All I'm asking for is a few dinners and a little make-out time. And maybe, just maybe, a drink on the house with a wink.

Until then...

All my love,

Katie