Spring Equin-off

Ah, March 20 - the first day of spring and the day that everything is equal. Day and night are perfectly in balance. Yet yours truly is not.

Due to a sudden change of events, I'm feeling completely off-balance right now and am taking a little 'spring break' to pick myself up, dust my skirt off and get back up on these two Toms-wearing feet again.

This is the first time in my life that I'm actually allowing myself to not be OK for a minute, embracing it. Figuring out how it can make me better.

But I know it's a fine line so when I reach that tipping point these days, I reference a video that Sean sent me that can't help but put a smile on my face.



After all, I may be missing balance right now but I still believe life should never be lived without laughter. And hopping baby goats. In sweaters.

Writer's Block

Well hey there, my babies! My apologies for being absent from the blogosphere for a few weeks now. I've been suffering from something they call writer's block - luckily though, I have not been suffering from life block.

As summer has progressed, so have the experiences, friendships, travels and memories. I took a little trip back to the Home Sweet Neon for Pep's 60th birthday, I traveled to Salt Lake City for the Summer Outdoor Retailer show where I got to spend a few hours with Miss Ann Westlake (Ann, how in the world did we not take one single photo together?!), I was involved in a hit-and-run car accident, I met Sebastian Evan (pictured below!), I threw a Meet and Greet at my apartment complex where I encouraged my neighbors to come down and enjoy a cold one with me and my curly dog, I finished up another season of Waka Kickball, I caught up with friends, I visited SK+G, I went to see Fleet Foxes at the Filmore, I house-sat up at the Wicklers while they went to visit the Schumachers up in Oregon, I went to WaterWorld with Andy - where we were two cousins, at age 28, acting like a bunch of 8-year-olds running around a water park on a Saturday morning, I crashed my bike, I got my car registered in Colorado (so official!), I ate empanadas for the first time, I watched thunderstorms, and today brings my first trip to Colorado's Ikea with Anne.

So, you see, it's not that I've been lacking in life - it's just that looking back on my last few posts I felt like this blog had become very "This is what we did and here are some photos." What kind of creative writing is that? Not that I don't love sharing all experiences with you guys - it's just this blog is not to recap my life - it's to be an experience all on it's own.

I've been reading a lot lately - trying to get some inspiration through others. So as I work that out, I've put together this little recommended reading list for you - and I'll even throw in some pictures so you know this isn't some kind of an impostor but just a girl getting wrapped up in life.

Read:
Freedom by Jonathan Frazen
This article from the New Yorker
The Imperfectionists by Tom Rachman
This new column from Benneton's very own Xazmin Garza
About Ryan Gosling from Esquire
Any current copy of Entertainment Weekly

Look:

POC 18: Say something to your 15-year-old self

An M&M McFlurry with extra M&M's and a McDonald's biscuit is not breakfast. You should be concerned about something called diabetes. Be nicer to your mother, she is just looking out for you. See the people you're surrounded by? These girls will be your friends for life and that makes you a very, very lucky girl. Stop sleeping in class, it's disrespectful. Mixers will close and it will break your heart but you cannot make smoothies forever. Stevie B. will eventually fall in love with you and you will eventually find out that he is not what you wanted in the long run - but he will be your first love. There are tee-shirts other than men's white v-necks, although you will hit another phase of that in your mid-20s. Quit smoking. You will look back on that note Lauren just gave you 15 years from now and it will still be just as funny. Be sure to buckle up on the evening of March 2, 2000. When you go to UNR 3 years from now, try to stick it out longer than one semester. You will be 27 and still not know how to drive stick shift correctly. Keep taking photographs - it is your passion. Hug Flap. Life gets harder - appreciate what you have now.

An Update in the Life of Cheese

So it's been crazy.

Crazy busy at work, which is awesome actually. I've been feeling really re-inspired lately and am feeling more and more excited by my job on a daily basis.

This semester of school is slowly but surely wrapping up. I'm pretty sure I have finals next week, should probably look into that.

Kickball has been great. Do you know who had the BEST KICK OF THE GAME two weeks ago? This girl, this girl right here, did. I couldn't believe it. I made it to second with a forced out before I got to third (does it sound like I know what I am talking about?). I also caught (then dropped) a fly ball that hit me pretty hard in the face. So I figured I got the worst stuff out of the way. Plus we were playing one of the toughest teams ever with a GUY THAT DRIVES IN FROM CALIFORNIA TO PLAY. Some say that's a rumor but he was pretty f'ing serious out there on the mound. The game was followed by good beers, food and conversation with my teammates at Shucks. Loving this already.

Yesterday, Kid Sister and I attended our very first Bikram Yoga class. When we walked in the room, we both immediately almost PUKED ON SPOT from the smell. Have you been to a class? Do you know the smell I am talking about? It's like a gym locker but OH IN 105 DEGREE HEAT WITH 60% HUMIDITY. Disgusting. Kid Sister turned to me and said, "Girl, I don't think I can do this." But guess what? We did. There were only about six or seven times in the 90-minute class that I thought I was going to faint. My dear Chad (and yoga guru) had told me the most important thing about your first class is to just STAY IN THE ROOM. Yeah, that sounds a lot easier before you're inside said room. But we did it and let me tell you, that feeling when instruction is finally done and you're in Savasana....EUPHORIC. Seriously, better than most...OK, I won't go there since my parents read this but youknowhatI'msayin. Simply blissful. In order to get the full bang for my buck, we'll be there three times a week for the next two months. So if you see me, offer me some water, I can guarantee I'll be thirsty.

I can tell Summer is approaching because I'm falling in love approx. 3-4 times a week. This happens every Spring/Summer.

So if I'm not too busy falling in love, here is what is on the books:

• The Hunt, which is waayyy past due.
• An introduction to Club Monster Curtis.
• Kid Sister and Katie go to Crystal Palace Skating Rink. This one includes....VIDEO.

And I am very happy to tell you that Gordon is finally home and recovering well. He is in the cone of misery whenever he is unsupervised, which I keep telling him is for his own good but he just looks at me like this.

I know, what a little heart-breaker. Good news is, his staples from his 4-inch incision come out one week from today and yes, we will be headed straight for the park.

10 Years Later: The Accident

March 2, 2000. Renee came to pick me up from Mixer's. I had requested to get off a little early to go hang out with my crush, Stevie B. Renee pulled up out front, I took off my hot pink apron, grabbed our smoothies to go and said goodnight to my co-workers. I got in the car, turned around to say hello to Katrin and Matt and that is the last thing I remember.

Let me start off by telling you that I always wear my seat belt. My father would not leave the driveway until I was all buckled in. I have no idea why on this particular night, I did not click it.

Here is how the story goes, as it has been told to me since my memory never came back of what happened. And isn't that so interesting? How our minds protect ourselves from remembering traumatic events? We were at the intersection of Smoke Ranch and Tenaya, right by our high school, Cimarron. We were in Renee's '87 Ford Escort, heading straight through a yellow light when a Ford Expedition failed to yield the right of way to us and that's when the collision happened. My face collided with the windshield, Renee's with the steering wheel and Katrin and Matt were slammed up against the front seats from the back. Needless to say, after that kind of impact, Renee's little Escort was totaled.

When 3 of the 4 of us came to, Renee says that she looked over to find me trying to clean the blood and glass from my face with my Independent sweatshirt and when the ambulance arrived, I just kept repeating my home address over and over again to the paramedics. It's fascinating to me the things that we do in a semi-conscience state. I'm just glad I wasn't singing the lyrics to 'Dirty Pop' over and over again.

They took me to UMC and then began trying to call my mother. Pep was out shopping though so she didn't get the message until a few hours after the fact. I think she still feels guilty about that to this day. I didn't actually wake up until THE MIDDLE OF MY CAT SCAN. Yeah, can you imagine?? I have no recollection of the accident and I wake up inside a giant DOME. But I'm pretty sure I just went back to sleep after that. The next thing I remember is waking up to my mom while I was getting the stitches put in my eyelid. She was holding it together pretty well. They suggested I not look in the mirror.

I got home and showered and tried my best to avoid the mirror but I was 16 so my vanity got the best of me. Sure enough, probably should have avoided. I was 16 and the left side of my face was practically gone and what was left was glued together. My eyebrow has been shaved off and I couldn't really open my left eye. I didn't think that I would ever look the same. The doctors hadn't been too clear on the prognosis but told me that more than likely, I would need reconstructive surgery. I cried a lot. And then I ate Ben-n-Jerry's ice cream that Lauren brought over. Again, that is why she is And More.

They excused me from school for the next two days but I had to go back on Monday. You know how cruel kids can be so I wasn't exactly jumping at the opportunity to walk through the halls of CMHS. I remember people starring but the only comment I remember is from Fallon Arnez, who TO THIS DAY, is an awful, awful human being and horrible bitch, making a comment about how she would 'never come to school looking like Quasimodo'. The lucky thing for me is my face healed, her cold dark heart never has.

I did end up needing reconstructive surgery underneath my nose. Mederma was my best friend and I highly recommend it for any scars...worked wonders on my face. If I don't have make-up on, you can see the scar that runs down my left cheek, the scarring under my nose and on my forehead. Picking shards of glass out of my forehead as it resurfaced was a regular occasion for the first year. I would constantly run my fingers over the surface of my forehead and whenever I would feel something sharp, off to the surgeon we would go and she would pick glass out for (what seemed like) hours. The actual last piece of glass I had removed was 3 years after the accident.

Post accident, I had a lot of trouble with yellow lights. Even though I don't remember the actual collision...or a majority of that night even, something inside of me does because my heart would skip a beat and I would get an awful feeling in my stomach every time I would see a light turn yellow. We are all very lucky that the damage was not worse. And yes, I got a settlement of $10,000. My mother was smart enough to make me invest 1/2 of it and the other portions went to my lawyer and got blown on plane tickets from Reno to Las Vegas (Have I mentioned that I was an idiot when I was 18?).

Moral of the story? Buckle Up. Always. You don't want your face to ever look like this.

Knochers' Ultimate Playlist

This is a post that has been in the works for awhile. I decided a few months back that I should sit down and collect a playlist of my top 100 songs. This was hard. And not hard to come up with 100 but rather than to cut it down from like 554,324,309.

The ones I had an issue cutting down artist wise were my usual suspects, JT, Jay-Z, KOL, Phoenix, Jack Johnson but I tried to spread the love. Some of these songs are my favorites because of the meaning behind them and if there is, I will include it but know that most of these just get me smiling and singing along. And that if we take a road trip together someday, you are guaranteed to hear at least 40% of these on said trip.

If it's something I think you need to hear, it'll be highlighted and you can follow the link. And if you really love it, and I love you, I'll make you a mix-tape :)

So here it is, in all of it's randomness, jamminess, get you moviness....and in no particular order.

Are You That Somebody - Aaliyah (R.I.P.)

Sleepyhead - Passion Pit (thank you,Tiffanie)

Lost and Found - Phoenix

Sweet Disposition - The Temper Trap (Anika Jones and the 500 Days of Summer obsession)

If - Janet Jackson (will forever get me dancing like I think I'm Janet)

That Thing - Lauryn Hill

Kids - MGMT

Rodeo Clowns - Jack Johnson

Such Great Heights - Postal Service (Listening for the first time with Andy and Lisa back east, it was snowing and I had never heard anything quite like it before)

Flashing Lights - Kanye West

Possibility - Lykke Li (A moving memory in my life where I laid on a bed with a boy that I liked and we closed our eyes and just listened and it was just one. of. those. moments.)

Manhattan - Kings of Leon

Get It Together - The Beastie Boys

Wonderwall - Cat Power (a beautifully haunting rendition of a classic.....thank you, Lisa G)

Is This Love - Bob Marley

Devil in Jersey City - Coheed and Cambria (I thought Justin had a high voice and then I heard Claudio)

Vivrant Thing - Q-Tip

Rehab - Rihanna with Justin Timberlake

God Only Knows - The Beach Boys

Nightingale - Saves the Day (Linzi - Reno, mixtape, meaning may be different now but still a wonderful love song)

Drive - Tracey Chapman

Encore - Jay-Z (The Black Album = my heart)

I'm Going Down - Mary J. Blige

Bottle It Up - Sara Bareilles

Lovestoned/I Think She Knows Interlude - Justin Timberlake

Sunday Morning - Maroon 5

Stay - Coal (from the Chasing Amy soundtrack. This is from the scene where Holden and Alyssa are fighting in the parking lot and every time this song starts playing, so do the tears and I'm pretty sure Linzi and I spent some time in Reno crying to this song in our dorm room while desperately missing our boyfriends. Oh, young love)

If You Don't, Don't - Jimmy Eat World

Sour Cherry - The Kills

Us-Regina Spektor

Hey Ya - The Slow Version (and no, that's not an artist, I just Googled since I've never been able to figure it out but I think it's this guy...Bas)

Read My Mind - The Killers (actually has a Superchump past but still a great song so I won't deny it here)

Dirty Diana - Michael Jackson (R.I.P. Mikey)

Girlfriend - Phoenix

Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood - Nina Simone

Carousel - Blink-182 (Fab 4, Freshman year....sweet, sweet memories)

15 Step - Radiohead

Imitosis - Andrew Bird

FutureSex/LoveSounds - Justin Timberlake

Stay With You - John Legend

Smash Your Head - GirlTalk (Chris, I will never forget when the sound of Biggie over Elton John - 1:24 - came into my life and I am forever in musical debt to you because if I could have listed everything from Night Ripper and Feed the Animals here, I would have).

Down - Camron

Flake - Jack Johnson

Dreams - Fleetwood

Son of a Preacher Man - Dusty Springfield

9 Crimes - Damien Rice (Cory. My heart continues to break for you every time I hear this song)

Toxic - Britney Spears

It's So Hard - Big Pun (LOLZ LOBO, LOLZ)

Song Cry - Jay-Z Unplugged

Just Watch the Fireworks - Jimmy Eat World

Gone - NSync (Eener and I still sing along to this one on a regular occasion, JT's first shining moment)

Knocked Up - Kings of Leon (the moment the love began, in Colorado with 3 of my favorite people...repeat, repeat, repeat)

Say It Right - Nelly Furtado

One Year of Love - Queen

Ex-Girlfriend - No Doubt

I Would Do Anything for Love - Meatloaf (GUARANTEED to be on any road trip you take with me)

Dick in a Box - The Lonely Island feat. Justin Timberlake

It's All Your Fault - Pink

Erotic City - Prince

Breakdown - Mariah Carey feat. Bones Thugs and Harmony (CLASSIC)

Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want - The Smiths

Beware of the Boys - Jay-Z feat. Punjabi MC (THE ROC IS IN THE BUILDING! Bookie, I included this link just for you to take you back to a little place called Mist inside the Trippin' Island :) )

Steve Biko (Stir It Up) - A Tribe Called Quest

Fans - Kings of Leon

Yellow - Coldplay (PY, seeing this performed live, when those huge yellow balloons came falling from the ceiling and Chris Martini was arm's reach away from us...by far, one of my favorite life moments)

Shadowboxer - Fiona Apple

Don't Hate Me - The Get Up Kids (Years 15 - 17 were spent in one of our cars shouting 'OH AMY DON'T HATE ME FOR RUNNING AWAY FROM YOU....)

No Diggity - Blackstreet but I actually prefer the Michael Spadoni version

Level - The Raconteurs

The Seed 2.0 - The Roots

Wind It Up - Gwen Stefani

Gold To Me - Ben Harper (I love you, Wiz)

Tears Dry On Their Own - Amy Winehouse

Beautiful, Dirty, Rich - Lady Gaga

Mr. Carter - Lil' Wayne

This Years Love - David Gray (the year of the Bear)

Dirty Pop - NSync (BABY BABY YOU CAN'T STOP....Lisa, your brother beat boxing on your phone as we were driving to Sam Boyd in our tee-shirts....)

Ramalala - Roisin Murphy

P.Y.T. - Michael Jackson

Gone - Kanye West

Lazy Eye - The Silversun Pickups

Horchata - Vampire Weekend

Method Man - Wu-Tang Clan (sometimes I think this is the first name I learned to spell M-E-T-H-O-D MAN)

Feeling Good - Nina Simone

Don't Push - Sublime

Close to Me, Closer Remix - The Cure

So that's it folks, that's pretty much the playlist of my first 1/4 century on this planet.

What was that? You want an encore? Ok, well if you insist since I know a few of you are like OH NO WAIT A HOT SECOND HERE, I know Katie and there is no way she would make a playlist and not include this one....

Kate - Ben Folds (My personal theme song for life. When I walk down the street, this is the song that plays in my head, and yes, I am making spirit fingers every tell he yells KATE! and if you listen to the lyrics...SPOT. ON.)

And last, but certainly, certainly not least....

Tiny Dancer - Sir Elton John (My father's song to yours truly and 9 times out of 10, it will bring a tear to my eye. 10 times out of 10, it will bring a tear to his....love you, Dad)

The Biggest Little City in the World

It's been raining in Vegas for the past four days. I love the rain but mostly because we never get it. So day four rolls in with the storm and I start having flashbacks.

Dark, gloomy, not much to do....

RENO.

For those of you who do not know, I lived in Reno, NV for an entire four months of my life. I was straight outta high school and Linzi and I decided to head north. We were looking for adventures of college stories and dorm rooms but what we got was, well, Reno.

Now, I am not going to blame it on all Reno. Linzi and I went up there TOGETHER. As BESTIES. We got a room together in the New Dorm which had our very own bathroom so we wern't even forced into the situation to have to make friends in the facilities. We had 300 square feet all. to. ourselves. What did we do in such a tiny, tiny room? Oh, let's see...we ATE (can we say Freshman 22?), ate A LOT of Domino's pizza and I love that, at the time, we weighed between 100-115 pounds and the two of us would polish off an entire order of Cheesybread, a large cheese pizza and Cinnastix. Every Thursday if not Tuesday and Friday, too. There was the Awful Awful in the little Nugget, too, which had a CRAZY delicious grilled cheese (catching a theme here? I didn't name my blog after nothing). Oh and the ice cream vending machine that would always give me the wrong order and Linzi would end up eating my rejects until I finally got that Strawberry Shortcake Popsicle I was waiting for. Ok so that covers the eating part. What else did we do? Oh, yes, take shots of Captain Morgan Parrot Bay out of Dixie cups that Linzi's mom had sent to us (not for the rum, I would imagine).

And this. We did a whole lotta this. One of us lying on our bed while the other was being SILLY.
We rearranged the room several times. One of those times including the bunk bed incident. Now, as an only child, all I ever wanted in my childhood was a brother and a bunk bed so you can imagine my JOY that I now had the opportunity to make that dream come true with Linzi as a stand-in for the brother part. "Do you want top or bottom?" "Top. Wait. No. Bottom. Wait. No. Top. But what if I fall off??" (these double stacked beds reached almost to our ceiling and I would guesstimate would be a 20 foot fall to the floor). "You're not going to fall off, Kate. That's ridiculous. People don't fall off of bunk beds." Rolls eyes.

So, there I am. First night up. N*Sync poster next to my head, cozy underneath my pink sheets with a zebra blanket to keep out that bitter Renoness. The giant alarm clock so I could actually read the numbers without putting on my glasses was glowing in the distance. I was sound asleep and then OMG OMG OMG I'm FALLING!!! You guys, I woke up with 2/3 of my body hanging off the edge as my body almost tumbled through infinity to the floor. LUCKILY, I saved myself. So, for the record, people DO fall out of bunk beds.

What did you guys do on the weekends? Pardon? You know, on the weekends, what did you guys do? Frat parties? Getting to know the city? Study groups? Oh, no, we flew home. What? Yes, we flew home to Vegas. Almost every weekend. Why? Boyfriends. How? Car accident settlement. I spent two weekends in Reno. Two weekends. And I'm pretty sure one of them was forced due to September 11th.

There were a lot of tears. You know love at age 18. I had finally nailed Stevie B. down. He was mine, all mine and I had to leave him? For COLLEGE? How AWFUL! But Linzi and I had a pact. We were going to stick it out the whole year. Give it some time to grow on us. Do it for our parents.

God DAMN it's cold. It's Ok, we'll get used to it. There is nothing to do. Wanna walk to the Circus Circus? Again? Sometimes, we would just hold each other. Now, I know how this sounds. But we had NO HUMAN CONTACT other than each other. So we would stand in our tiny room and just hug it out. HOMESICK. We were homesick, lovesick little girls. And one night, Linzi broke down and called her parents "I want to come home."

Oh. HELL. NO. Girl, you CANNOT leave me. There is no way I am staying without you! Within 5 minutes I was on the phone, BALLING to Pep, "Ma, I just can't. I can't. I'll DIE up here. Alone. All alone. I want to come home. Please. Please. Just let me come home." "You know you're going to have to get a job if you come back." "Yes, yes, of course." "Ok, call your father." And that day is the day that I broke my father's heart.

If I could go back and do it all differently, I would.

100%. I would have given it the whole year. I didn't really get a "college experience". Don't get me wrong, living out my early 20's in Vegas certainly got me a lot of experiences and everything happens for a reason but I would have stayed. I would have given that biggest littlest city in the world more of a chance. Given my college life more of a chance. I left one of the best journalism schools in the country, free rent (well parents paid), no job, an hour from Tahoe, four to San Fran to come back to....

Oh, right, my LIFE. Life that may have been a completely different life with that one decision. But, you know, this life...it's a pretty good one.

When Life Gives You Lemons...

My mom picked up this pitcher for me last weekend and I am absolutely in love with it. I cannot wait to make a large batch of ice tea to pour out of it!

I've had quite the week (again). Our little Gordie boy got sick Sunday morning. His symptoms were "coming out of both ends" (sorry!) and he was REAL lethargic, we went to Pep's on Sunday and he wasn't even interested in playing with Darby and Allie. He just laid and laid and laid. Until I was asleep and then he cried and cried and cried. So we had a pretty rough night which ended up with him at the vets, staying over so they could monitor him. The good news is, he is now home with me and seems to be on the road to recovery. $500 on the pup in the last week.

Then my Jeannette the Jeep started giving me troubles. Whenever the car was idling, the oil pressure gage would go all the way down to zero and my check gages light would DING and light up. This happened EVERY. TIME. I. STOPPED. And since my dog was sick, I couldn't be without a car so I heard that dinging a lot (two words, Wiz) this week. However, dropped the car off this morning, got it fixed. $200.

Dentist DRAMA. Apparently my old dentist (for those of you who live in Las Vegas, never ever ever ever go to Dr. Trobough...he is a shady shady man) never put my crown on correctly for the root canal he did on me last year. Now, since the crown never fit, I've got an infection under there and need to replace the crown. Insurance does not replace crowns that are less than 60 months old. It's been about 14 on this one. Which means, unless Dr. Ahole decides to pay up, I'll have to cover 100% of the cost of the crown. Either way, as of this week, $550 at the dentist.

Yesterday was a reeeaaallll joy. It all started when I tripped walking up the stairs at work. Then, at lunch, I decided to go home, relax and make a PB&J. I got all the way home and up my three flights of stairs to realize that I left my keys sitting on my desk at work. So, Ok. I go get some Chipotle instead. It's a nice day out, I'll sit and read my Entertainment Weekly but OH WAIT I TOOK IT OUT OF MY PURSE THIS MORNING. Ok. I guess I'll come and eat my lunch at my desk. Get back to work to realize I'm locked out of my office because, again, KEYS ARE SITTING ON MY DESK.

Oh and I haven't made out in nearly THREE MONTHS. Sorry, Dad.

So you know that pitcher up top there. Yeah, scratch the iced tea...Renee is coming over tonight and I plan on filling it with red red wine and sipping the night away.