Happeh Birfdai, B.F.F.!

On ur birfdai, I promize 2 only speek 2 u in lolcat.

I promize 2 let u win at big buck huntin (dat won't be hard).

I promize 2 keep teh laughs (an cokez!!) comin' all nite long!

And on Saturday....we partee!!!

I rly wantz 26 2 be teh best yer evr, srsly.

I luv u wif all mah hart!

SRY OTHR READERS IF U NED TRANZLASHUN

Jargon

I had a very successful Memorial Day weekend. How was it successful? Well, it felt like the kick-off to a very awesome summer and that is what Memorial Day weekend is all about. It's kind of like New Years but for summer....at least in my world. I'd like to take you on a little trip with me, dear reader, via quotes overheard over my long weekend. In total random order and I will try to give a brief definition of the story behind the quote although I am sure some will be self-explanatory. And P.S....all of these are not from yours truly. So if you spent any time over the weekend with me, don't be surprised if you see your words below but I will keep it anonymous.

"I think I threw my back out" (this happened while I was encouraged to 'drop it like its hot' by the sounds of DJ AM which I hadn't done in 3 years or so)

"Is the guy in the corner gay?"

"No, engaged to be married."
"Well, might as well be then."

"OMG" (this was said probably about 156 times over the weekend, esp when Rain was blowing FIRE over the crowd in the club. And hey, Rain...WORST IDEA EVER....we're hot enough!)

"That will be $39." (for TWO drinks at the M pool)

"Come again?"

"I think we're facing the wrong direction for the sun" (right before we passed out from those really large and expensive drinks and I woke up with a hand print (mine) tan line an hour later)

"Think he'll remember that I asked him to make out with me?"

"Is she cheating on us?"

"Sorry if I'm being an asshole" (inside Rain nightclub)

"That's OK...I live here. I'm used to it"

"I LOVE THIS MAN!" (DJ AM)

"Are we at Lilith Fair?" (said while someone singing Sarah McLachlan at Don't Tell Mama)

"Where are those Hot Fries?"

"You suck so much my friend thinks you're in costume." (outside of Beauty Bar)

"Hey Lloyd, check out my cock." (the rooster whistle that Lile brought for me)

"I've got an idea...let's move the moped."

"Can you take me home now please?" (when the teenage girls at M pool started posing inappropriately for photos in the water)

"It's OK not to text back, right?"

"We aren't even the oldest people here!" (this never happens when we're at a club anymore, unless, apparently, if that club is Rain)

"So Edward, do you have a Bella?"

"Is that a girlfriend? No, no girlfriend."

"Small children?"

"You got the jokes but do you got the smokes?"

"I want to learn things through that little door." (DCR)

"We can just sit in your bathtub" (when we found out the jacuzzi was broken in my complex)

"What the fuck? How are we even friends with you??" (when Lile broke the news to Lobo that she has never played beer pong in her life)

"I'm from Dallas."

"I hate that place." (poor guy!)

"If I can kick you in the nuts and run, then you ain't a cop."

Pepisms : Lessons in Coolness

Sometimes my mom says the most hysterical things so I've decided that I am going to start posting these gems.

Last night, I was over at her house watching the finale of American Idol (and yes, I think it is a bunch of BS that Adam didn't win and I now am out a lunch over it but I digress...) We were watching the Black Eyed Peas perform. She has downloaded a few of their songs before for her "walk mix" and I was telling her that she would really enjoy 'Boom Boom Pow'. So she turns up the speakers so loud that my step-dad decides he can't take it anymore and goes upstairs to bed (or to just hide his head under the pillow).

So I say..."Yeah, their new album comes out on June 9th."

Pepism...."It DROPS June 9th"

In the words of Suzanne Bruner, I said, "Well Pardon Fucking Me."

100 (Things to Do Before My Time is Up)

Welcome my lovelies, to my 100th post...I know, can you believe it?? I decided that we should celebrate this occasion with a list...you know how I love lists...of things to do before I croak. About a week or so ago when I first decided I was going to mark post 100 with meaning, I got a little overwhelmed thinking of ONE HUNDRED things to do. I mean sometimes it's a task for me to dry my hair. The first 20 or so came pretty easy....after that, not so much but then...then they started flowing. I'd be driving and something would come to me and before I knew it, I was writing on a napkin in bar so I wouldn't forget to add it. It's going to be quite the rollercoaster and trust me, this is in no particular order. And let me know if you care to join me on any of these adventures. And I also promise to you to blog about every. single. one. of these that get accomplished. Here we go.

1. Wine tasting in New Zealand

2. Fall madly, deeply and hopelessly in love

3. Marry that man barefoot on the beach

4. Fly a kite

5. Get my Masters degree

6. Knit a scarf

7. Spend the whole day at a Farmer's Market and then make a meal using only what I purchased

8. Have children (yes, that is plural)

9. Take ballroom dancing lessons

10. Zip line through the Rainforest

11. Participate in a choreographed dance (preferably in a high school gym...ok, so this is one I've been holding onto and have never lived out but I am keeping the hope alive)

12. Stay at the Montage in Laguna

13. Camp at Valley of Fire

14. Visit Hawaii

15. Learn to surf

16. Breakfast in bed

17. Carnival in Brazil

18. Spend a weekend on a sailboat

19. Take my kids to Disneyland with Pep

20. Learn how to (correctly and safely) drive a stick shift

21. Go to a Cubs game at Wrigley

22. Have a garden

23. Teach

24. Spend the night on the beach

25. Own a hybrid

26. Be an extra in a movie

27. Touch Justin Timberlake

28. Dance with my father to Tiny Dancer at my wedding

29. See the Northern Lights

30. Create/Build/Decorate a nursery

31. Rescue a pet from a shelter

32. Experience bliss

33. Smoke a Cuban cigar

34. Bonfire on the beach

35. Milk a cow

36. Survive a class of Bikram's Yoga

37. Learn to make a pot of coffee (I know, I know...it's ridiculous)

38. Go skinny dipping in the South of France

39. Own a star (with the cheesy certificate and everything)

40. Get published

41. Spend a weekend in Boston (with Chloe)

42. Ride an elephant

43. Mardi Gras

44. Cross the Brooklyn Bridge (my history)

45. Kiss at the top of the Eiffel Tower

46. Talk to Al and Matt LIVE on/at the Today Show

47. Sleep in a castle

48. Go to the Olympic Games

49. Take golf lessons

50. Take a Volkswagen convertible up the coast via the PCH

51. Live in Manhattan for a summer

52. London to Amsterdam via train with Lobo

53. Attend the Grammy's (and not with a dude named Rich)

54. Get Lasik

55. Go on a safari

56. Throw a black-tie Oscar party

57. Have a relationship with my daughter just like the one that I am lucky enough to have with my mother

58. Spend the weekend at a 5-star spa

59. Learn how to play the piano

60. Own a bag I would never set on the floor (purse hook Panda and X!)

61. Go on a helicopter ride (hollacopter!)

62. Meet Barack Obama

63. Take an out-of-the-country trip with my 5 best girlfriends

64. Make a baby quilt

65. Own an expensive camera and learn how to use it

66. Go to the Kentucky Derby in the most ridiculous hat and drink Mint Juleps all day

67. Learn how to save my money

68. Watch my dad teach my son how to fly fish

69. Own a Vespa

70. Horseback on the beach

71. Join a softball team

72. DJ a party

73. Give Nie and all of her kids a hug and tell her what an incredible inspiration she has been to me

74. Spend New Years Eve in Times Square

75. Cochella

76. Scuba dive the Great Barrier Reef

77. Own a beach house

78. Visit the top of Lady Liberty's crown

79. MoMA

80. Snowboard at Tahoe

81. Ride in a hot air balloon

82. See the Cherry Blossoms in Japan (I might settle for DC on this one, too)

83. Run in 5-inch heels

84. Build a tree house for my children (or help, at least)

85. Go on a spiritual tour in India

86. Speak two solid sentences in Chinese to PY

87. Watch a private fireworks show

88. Swim with a dolphin

89. Oktoberfest

90. Guest spot on Gossip Girl

91. Visit Austin, TX

92. See the hot air balloon festival in New Mexico

93. Create a happy, healthy and welcoming home

94. Get at least 17 stamps on my Passport

95. Have a KILLER bachelorette party

96. Watch Shawshank Redemption

97. Be a contestant on The Price is Right

98. Own a weimaraner

99. Cedar Point

100. Reach post 1,367

Red Rocks + FOTC

I just got back from a mid-May vacay. My darling cousin purchased us tickets to see Flight of the Conchords with Iron and Wine at Red Rocks (and yes, it was a random pairing). Have you ever been to a show at Red Rocks? If not, I highly suggest it. By far, the best acoustics I have ever heard. When Iron and Wine was performing, I actually said "Are we in my living room right now?" I was not, in fact I was actually surrounded by BEAUTIFUL Colorado mountains, not sitting on my couch with Gordon throwing his ball on my lap...if I closed my eyes though, it was like a private show. Sounded like he was right there in front of me with his guitar, singing solely for me. Flight of the Conchords were hysterical, of course. Kept the crowd going the whole time. I actually recorded a video of "Business Time" for the masses but unfortunately, my giggle overpowered it in the end. If you don't know about my laugh...well let's just say, I called Lauren like, "How do you do it??" It is pretty obnoxious. And I do it (laugh, that is) A LOT.

The rest of the weekend was spent catching up with The Wicklers, which of course, involved a lot of boozing. Want to hear a great story? So when Lobo and I were there in December, the four of us stopped at this little dive bar called Mozart Lounge. We decided to stop there on Friday night for a nightcap. Well, were we in for a pleasant surprise...the Mozart Lounge has become a gay bar. Well a "stray bar" but we were definitely the only straight people in the place. Met some wonderful people, including Meredith, a 51-year-old Grandfather, pictured below.

Let me tell you something about Denver...everyone there is SO NICE. Seriously, every place we went we ended up talking to 4 or 5 strangers. Before the show we went to the Morrison Inn for Margaritas and FUN Mexican Food (their words, not mine), sat up on their roof patio and enjoyed some humongo margaritos. This guy was playing Bob Marley on the guitar, so that on top of the great company, great weather...it was a perfect Saturday afternoon. I just love the vibe out there...if it wasn't for those damn winters...ahhh, one of these days though...one of these days.

Until next time, Denver...until next time. And big thanks to my cousin Andy, Angela and the Wicklers for their continued hospitality. Love you guys.

P.S....My next post is #100...pretty MAYJA.

Trekkie. Two Please.

Dear Chris Pine,

Please call me. I swear to keep the cheesy Star Trek quotes to a minimum (though I don't know if I could resist the whole "boldly go where no man has gone before..." one).

All My (Trekkie) Love,

Katie

P.S....When I saw you and JT embrace during the credits of SNL last week, it truly was a dream come true. I was sitting with Eener and said "Holy, if they touch right now I am going to FREAK." And freak I did so thank you for that.

Meet Oliver

This is Oliver, my orchid. A few months ago, I fell in love with orchids. Lillies have always been my favorite but the unique beauty and character that orchids carry...just captures the eye. Wow. I don't think I've ever been so deep on this blog before. But I digress. All that I had ever heard about orchids was they are VERY FRAGILE and VERY HARD TO CARE FOR. Which, in turn, scared me of ever owning one. I didn't want to be responsible for killing something so beautiful. But then, I talked to Sue. Yeah, you know Sue...the receptionist at SK+G and she told me "Oh noooo....just water every couple days....you'll be fine...." You see, Sue's father was an orchid grower so she TOTALLY knows.

So Pep and I were at Trader Joe's over the weekend and as an early birthday gift, she purchased the orchid for me. On Mother's Day and no I do not feel guilty. She WANTED to, Ok?? Plants live longer if you name them. Fact. So this is Oliver and he is a very handsome fella if I do say so myself. He sits on the mantel in front of the giant elephant foot in my main quarters (out of reach from Sir Gordon Snacks A Lot and Miss Sienna Miller).

And now that I think about it, he is probably going to live to be like 120 since I dedicated a whole blog to him. So thanks for hanging in there and so far, so good.

Saturday Night Shenanigans

One moment, you're sitting at your favorite little piano bar down on Freemont East (Don't Tell Mama!) talking to your favorite bartender, Phil. You're enjoying the sounds of the talented staff while slowly sipping on your favorite cocktail.

The next you know it, you're inside the Beauty Bar with some of your oldest friends surrounded by hipsters on rollerskates, having drinks spilt on your new dress and you're getting pulled into a professionally set-up photobooth.

These my friends, are Saturday Night Shenanigans. And these moments are what my 20's are all about.

Immigrant Tale

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The Twouble with Twoy

My mother is a speech therapist for elementary and junior high children. It is a wonderful profession that she is very, very good at and is recognized for locally. Her specialty? The 'R' sound. Funny thing? Her own daughter has issues with it.

Now, I don't want you to think that I'm walking around with a speech impediment. It happens on occasion, in fast conversation and when there is an r/w sound approaching. This post will be hard to describe (I'm sure actually HEARING me slip up is much more amusing) but hopefully the spelling can do it justice.

When I was in junior high, all I wanted was to be on the Brinley Bruins' Cheerleading Squad. Our colors were a combination of red, white and blue. Try-outs were coming up and I practiced my butt off. Every night and every morning in the mirror, in front of the two friends I had, to my dog...you get the point. I had the routine DOWN and I was planning on dominating. They were probably just going to make me head cheerleader right then and there (take that Buffy!). On the big day, my pom poms and I headed off to the gym. I got up in front of the panel, cleared my voice and started....
"Brinley! Bruins! Go, Fight, Win!"
Great, I shined like a star. Then came the big finale. The color chant.
"Red, wed, wed, wed, white, white, white, white and blue. (clap clap clap) and blue."

I know what you are thinking...."WUT HAPPENED?"

I got nervous, guys. I was chanting and then I anticipated that W and blew the whole thing. Needless to say...I didn't make the team.

There are many other stories just like this one (like the time I was in high school History and asked a question about the possibility of a "Whourld Roar Tree") but I think you get the point.

I also could never date a guy named Troy. Or Twoy in my world.

Life at 25 MPH

I had one of those nights last night when you take a moment to take it all in, you think to yourself, "Am I in some kind of independent film right now?" Ever had one of those moments? No? Well try to get yourself one because that's the good stuff. I've been lucky enough to have a few, mostly all taking place over summer nights. And like I said, last night was one of those nights.

Where to begin? Well, if you know me and I tell you that I met someone...what are the first two questions you ask me?

Wait, I've got this one.

1. Does he have a job?

2. Does he have a car?

So when I started mentioning new boy, the questions started rolling in. The first one, YES. The second brought a little hesitation. "Well...um..." "KATIE!" "I know, I know. But he DOES have a mode of transportation. It's a moped."

That look on your face right there...yeah, that's the same one I tried to cover up when I heard the news for the first time. That changed last night.

I met the boy for some drinks at one of my favorite spots, Chicago Brew Co. We enjoyed a few microbrews out on the patio and the night was coming to a turning point. I could either go home or I could take up this offer..."Want to go for a ride on the scooter?" And you know what, kids? I was feeling a bit ADVENTUROUS last night so I said "Um, YEAH!" "Ok, but you're driving" "No, no." "Trust me, with two people, we're not going to be going much faster than 25 MPH"

So we decided to head west. But first, we had to stop for gas. As we approach the counter, he purchases some water and says, "$2 on 13, please." Which is now my favorite quote ever. "$2?!?," I asked. "For 90 miles." WOW. That's like a round trip to Green Valley.

I'm going to spare you my cheesy details about my hair blowing in the wind and the feeling I had like I owned the road for that ride up to Red Rock. But a few hours later, when we were coming back from Red Rock and the air temperature had dropped a few degrees, I thought to myself, "Who knew life could be so much fun at 25 MPH?"

Lost in Translation

So Pep couldn't stand it, she just HAD to know what yesterday's post said. She took it upon herself to copy and paste it into her own Google translator. Here is the result which is even funnier than I thought I was by posting in Spanish yesterday. Enjoy and good luck :)

For which today is 5 of May. In order to celebrating, this position is written in Spanish. That is funny, since is the class that have failed in my life. Almost it feels refreshing to write in a different language. I feel as if would be able me to say my deeper, darker secrets and nobody knows. Then I remember that the majority of the people really can translate Spaniard and they have not to use Google for that. For those of you that to Spanish spoken (cough cough cough Lauren and PY), I ask him excuses and I am sure that this no sense makes.

This night we celebrate this glorious one of holidays visiting the house of Eener with double L. And yes, this normally it signifies problems. We are going to take it with calm, although with a few glasses of draining, some Rockband and a pound or two of the chips and sauce.

You know what infects? You quote. Is true. Is very stressful. And I am sure that is supposed that is not of that way. You suppose that they enjoy to know to the others and to have all easy. But if they know me, I want all. Now. You believe that my lesson of the past has been learned, but of course that not. Each time that my telephone dings, I am as "oh!" And then it disappointed (unless the text me Spoon of Gold with an offering).

One of these days, HSCOOC, one of these days...

You know what is the most amusing thing on this message? A day I am going to read it again and I do not they have idea of what was speaking.
TEQUILA!

Feliz Cinco de Mayo, Amigos!

Por lo que hoy es 5 de mayo. Con el fin de celebrar, este puesto se escribe en español. Que es gracioso, ya que es la clase que he fracasado en mi vida. Casi se siente refrescante para escribir en un idioma diferente. Me siento como si me podría decir mi más profundo, más oscuros secretos y nadie sabe. Luego recuerdo que la mayoría de la gente realmente puede traducir español y no tienen que usar Google para eso. Para aquellos de ustedes que se habla español (tos tos tos Lauren y PY), le pido disculpas y estoy seguro de que esta no tiene sentido.

Esta noche celebramos esta gloriosa de vacaciones visitando la casa de Eener con doble L. Y sí, esto normalmente significa problemas. Vamos a tomarlo con calma, aunque con unos cuantos vasos de sangría, algunos Rockband y una libra o dos de los chips y salsa.

¿Sabes lo que apesta? Citas. Es verdad. Es muy estresante. Y estoy seguro de que se supone que no es de esa manera. Usted supone que disfrutan de conocer a los demás y tener todo fácil. Pero si me conocen, quiero todo. Ahora. ¿Crees que se ha aprendido mi lección del pasado, pero por supuesto que no. Cada vez que mi teléfono dings, estoy como "oh!" Y luego decepcionado (a menos que el texto me Cuchara de Oro con una oferta).

Uno de estos días, HSCOOC, uno de estos días ...

¿Sabes qué es la cosa más divertida sobre este mensaje? Un día voy a volver a leerlo y yo no tienen idea de lo que estaba hablando.
TEQUILA!