Politics aside, 2017 was the year I got everything I wanted. Until it wasn't. But we'll get to
that.
I started the year in a relationship with A.G., a guy I had
started dating in November 2016. Everything about Aaron felt like of
course he was who I would end up with. He lived(s!) across the street
from me, he's a Jewish lawyer, and well...he showed up and he wanted to be my
boyfriend. At the time, that
was about all it took.
Mid-month I took a trip up to a place I swore I'd never visit
again....Reno, Nevada. Come to find out, the Biggest Little City in the World
has grown up since 2001 when Linz and I were hunkered up in our dorm together
at UNR, not socializing and not exploring - just eating a LOT of Domino's. So
it took one helluva reason to get back there - Renee Losey, who relocated up north from Vegas a few years back. We
had a weekend full of Pure HoTT fun and I'm happy to say, I can't wait to visit
again.
I came home just in time for the Women's March. Coming from
someone who had never experienced, nor expected, to partake in a protest but
found herself with Trump for president while dating an aspiring politician (spoiler alert - not the wife life for me), I found myself proud to be chanting
with millions of others, "My Body, My Choice / Her Body, Her Choice."
Denver showed up - as many other cities did - and it was incredibly empowering
to feel our voices being
heard and echoed.
February 1 we headed up for our annual Steamboat ski trip,
something I look forward to every year and one that I was particularly
excited for as my boyfriend was joining us AND I pulled the big room. Problem
was, as soon Aaron walked through the door, a switch went off - one that
whispered "this is wrong, he is not my person, he is a stranger I am now
trapped in a condo with for the next five days." I tried to quiet the
voice but it only persisted and got louder as the days wore on. I didn't
want to share with anyone we were with as I had pushed for him to join us but
when I finally saw Caitlin, who was up for a Chipotle trip, I spilt,
"This is fucking terrible. I'm losing it. I'm not supposed to be in a
relationship. I feel like I'm suffocating and I need to get out." I went from 100% happy to 1000% miserable
with one walk through the door,
and I'm so sorry to Aaron for it. Needless to say, the relationship ended just
after that trip.
The rest of February brought many nights out with Caitlin, and a
ski trip with my dad (and
Steph! and Uncle Mike!) at
Copper Mountain.
While out one of those nights with Caitlin, we decided that what
we needed was a UNIcation and within days, we were headed to
Bahia Principe in Akumal, Mexico with all of the Canadians for three nights /
four days of tequila, tacos and sand. TAKE US BACK.
We came back and sang our heart's out at Tiger's 34th birthday (one of the few nights of the year I'm up
to see closing time anymore)
and then on March 21 (Pengs
on birthday!), I went on my
first date post-Aaron. I was sitting over at Andy and Jen's new place THREE
BLOCKS FROM CARRIAGE HOUSE (their
neighboring move was absolutely a highlight of this year), drinking a beer, saying between sips
that I just wasn't sure I had it in me. Small talk with another dude who likes
to ski. I was so busy complaining about that swipe life that I didn't even realize I was late to the date. I
eventually walked the five blocks down to Pinche and man, I'm so glad I did because his name was Joe who turned out to
be one of my favorite people on this planet.
Our first date was one where you lose track of the 100 different
conversations you're having because it's all just flowing and FUN. We exchanged
our top 5 concerts of all time (his, Prince / mine, Elton John's Million Dollar Piano), found out we shared the same ski pass,
HE ORDERED QUESO and well, I fell in love. Okay maybe not that immediate but
then for our second date he suggested Work & Class and I
was done for. It was the best date I've ever been on and from that point
on, he was Jobo (my boyfriend, named Joe). He came to Easter, tiki time, dinner, drinks,
brunches...everyone felt the same way I did. Hell, even Andy, who literally has
never approved on anyone I've ever dated, said to me after brunch one Sunday,
"I really like Joe."
April brought volunteering for Dining Out for Life and at Growing
Gardens and a whole lot of smiles and miles as I was training for my first (only?) half
marathon which I
completed on May 14, 2017 at the Happiest Place on Earth - Disneyland. I never,
ever expected to run more than 3.2 miles in my life but I'm so glad Ann +
Nicole (hey HotCats!) pushed me to do it as it was a grand
accomplishment of mind, body and soul. I'd never been in better shape than I
was leading up to that marathon at age 33. Plus, I got to see Lisa.
In June, Gordon turned 9 and I turned 34. I spent June 7th at Red
Rocks with Jobo and Suzy for the Miike Snow + Phoenix concert where we
almost got rained out but mostly just started a dance train behind Thomas Mars.
That following weekend I threw myself a "Resting Brunch Face" birthday party so I could do what I do best - drink mimosas
with all of my favorite people.
On June 17th, I did the other thing I do best - drank wine
in the mountains at Aspen Food & Wine. Caitlin, Jobo, Cam, Bill and I drank
the town dry and had the time of our lives as we crashed parties, ate the best
charcuterie board ever, sipped (and in some cases, downed) wines we can't afford and danced at the best party of the year
- IMT's Wine at the
Mine. Looking back, I'm
realizing that June 2017 was the best of the entire year because from here, I
also camped Kenosha Pass with the crew and saw Paul Simon at Red Rocks.
In July, I headed east to celebrate my dad's birthday at The Rambo
Run. It was a Knoch family reunion that meant a lot to us all, being at the
Fishing Club my grandfather started decades ago with a few friends. We passed
the time fishing, laughing, eating crabs, drinking, and watching lightning
bugs. It was the perfect way to celebrate my dad's 70 years on this planet. From PA, the cousins and I headed up to New
Hampshire and Boston where I got to see my best travel buddy, Chloe, and
finally met her (adorable) son Asher and experienced the most patriotic 4th of
July of my life. You guys, Boston does not fuck around on the firework
situation. They even had Melissa Etheridge there to sing "Come to My
Window."
Back home, we bid farewell to Jill who traded in city livin' for
ranch life up in Wyo. But not before we had the chance to have Ryan McGinley take our Polaroid.
On July 12th, Joe and I went to another show at Red Rocks which
led to me writing Beck that night in bed, explaining to him that I had just
watched him perform "I
Think I'm in Love" when
it struck me that HOLY SHIT I think I'm in love but it makes me kind of nervous
to say so...could he maybe just say it for me? Joe's birthday was approaching and I was hoping Beck himself could just send those lyrics in the mail to me so I could tell Jobo on August 18th how I felt. (I'm still checking my
mail every day.) The month
rounded out with Tasty Colfax and my final trip to the Outdoor Retailer Show in
SLC where we marched for Public Lands.
In August - wait, August was the best month of the year. I saw A
Tribe Called Quest and Nathaniel Rateliff at Red Rocks, witnessed a total eclipse,
and started my new job at Bread & Butter Public Relations. Each of these moments
deserve their own breakdown.
Tribe: I've been listening to Tribe since
I was 14. The Love Movement was the soundtrack to my freshman year of high
school and I will never not get up to dance to "Award Tour." To see Q
Tip and Muhammad pay tribute to Phife Dawg moved us all. There was not a dry eye or a
still foot in the entire place. And I believe it was their final show of their
career. How fortunate I feel to have been there (and fifth row at that).
And well, Nathaniel just puts on one helluva show - especially in
his hometown.
The Total Solar Eclipse: I've been sitting here for 15 minutes trying to put into
words what we saw. How do you describe what the world is like when the moon
completely covers the sun? It was still and a natural light I'd never seen
before. And it was, by far, the coolest thing I have ever witnessed. For those
of you who did not take the trip to see totality - start planning now for 2020.
I'll see you in Texas.
The only thing that could follow the Eclipse? Summer Scream.
Bread & Butter Public Relations: In late August, I left Scream Agency after 6.5 years
for an opportunity I could not pass up - to help start up the Denver office of
a national F&B PR agency and one who lists The Infinite Monkey Theorem (see IMT / party of the year above) as a client. Going from a local boutique
shop where I was given the freedom to run a department in the best way I saw
fit to joining a national agency with ten offices, 80+ brilliant women (and two men!), with procedures and great expectations in place has been
a challenge but one that has pushed me in the best ways possible. I feel
invigorated and scared and sharp and fortunate and eager to see what 2018
brings for my career.
A job change is one of the most stressful things one can do,
especially when that one is leaving a place that helped shape the person they
are today. I met some of my best friends, had many milestone moments and worked
with Gordon by my side inside those walls at 1501 Wazee since 2011. But I knew
I had to leave to continue to grow and I felt that things had finally aligned.
I had the house. I had the guy. I had the dream job. And I had worked my ass off for
all of it. So when I told Joe before leaving for a long weekend to California
that I had never been
happier, I met it.
Lo and I spent that long weekend on the beach with Lisa who shared
the news of her engagement. Lisa, I am so happy for you and Garrett and I cannot
wait for Nashville for all of us to be able to toast the occasion
together, ideally over
some fried chicken.
I came home to experience that 100% happy to 1,000% miserable but
on the opposing end. On September 11th as Joe sat across from me on my patio,
explaining that he just "couldn't get there," I floated up up and
away as my brain refused to process what was happening. I had just told him,
four days prior, that I had never been happier and I could've sworn that moment
in Wyo, he felt the same. What had happened, where did I lose him and why
couldn't I just fucking have more than two weeks of having it all. I felt tired of having to be
"so strong" - all I wanted was to drink whiskey on the rocks and get
numb.
But I was two weeks into my new job so there was no time
for that (okay, there was but
a very specific window of 7p - midnight). Then the place I called home for 20 years was attacked on
October 1st. My neon
city was drenched in blood and I was not there. My heart broke all over again so I took all of that
energy and put it in pitches and played catch up and didn't come up for air for
months. I was going to succeed at something.
The rest, I just put on a smile for and worked my way through (like my Jeep's engine going out on me) but there were these moments when the happiness
permeated.
On November 11th, I climbed into a limo at 3:30a Grand Cayman
bound with my cousins. When we arrived later that day at our (gorgeous) island home, I walked out on our private deck and
whispered to myself, "This is exactly what you need at exactly the right time." And there, I healed.
The trip was a perfect mix of doing absolutely nothing some days
and things I'd never done before other days. We went deep sea fishing, something I had been on the fence
about but ended up being my favorite part of the week, kayaked in the bioluminescent bay under a full
moon, swam with
stingrays and chartered our own boat for a full day. Dinners consisted of fresh
seafood and drinks made of rum. We spent time out on the dock, smoking cigars and swapping stories.
And in the moments when it was just me, I reflected back on a year
that had the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. And I realized that
between the two relationships I had experienced in 2017, one showed me who I
didn't care to be and the other, exactly who I wanted to be. I am so proud of
who I was in my relationship with Joe. I showed up as a whole person. One who
had done a lot of work on herself and was therefore, ready to be in a true
partnership. Joe and I gave each other space to live the lives we had created in a single state of mind but also made
room for one another. There
was no doubt that he was my best friend and I was the best version of myself
when I was with him. So when the breakup came, for the first time I did not
have to question if I could have done something different. I have no regrets in my time with
Joe.
So I came back, ready to give the swipe life yet another try. I went
on a few dates, the first I ended up crying in the bathroom just out of
frustration that I was "back here" and that he wasn't Joe. Another
led me to crushing a guy who was probably the nicest I'd ever been out with.
The third, Gordon set me up with by imprinting on a gentleman while I was
working at Union Station and he is a republican who lives in Texas so...I'm not giving up, but I am
taking some time to get back in touch.
The holiday season and a trip to Vegas certainly helped with some perspective. I was
there a few weeks ago for Bread & Butter's holiday party and a few overdue
hugs. I got to know my new coworkers and spent quality time with friends
that I have known my entire formative years and miss on the daily. Austin even finally put some ink on me in the form of a "g" for my love of a little bub named Gordon. Also had the time of my life at
Magic Mike Live which I'll be treating you all to on our next trip.
And when I saw Mandalay Bay, I was overcome with emotion as tears
streamed down my face. There is no denying that the events that took place on
October 1 changed the community - but I can tell you that Vegas is alive and strong and still a
place like no other on earth. You
should book a trip and see it for yourself. I, personally, plan to be back
sooner than later to love on that glowing neon banner in the middle of the
desert.
Looking back I think I got pretty close to seeing everyone I love
this year and that is the greatest gift of all. Followed closely by the other
greatest gift of all...music. A few favorites include:
Work, Charlotte Day
It's now December 31st and in just a few hours, this little house
will be filled with those tunes, friends and bubbles at Champagne Spongebath as
we wrap the year and the holiday season.
Here's to finally having it all in 2018.
